I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize