Swine flu. Run for my life!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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