She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
