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• (480): View more from Arizona

  hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?

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• (551): View more from New Jersey

  And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.

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• (928): View more from Arizona

  We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in

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• (713): View more from Texas

  she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?

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• (813): View more from Florida

  I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.

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• (845): View more from New York

  then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it

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• (940): View more from Texas

  You planned on giving him head in the shower?

  (214): View more from Texas

  More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there

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• (585): View more from New York

  If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that

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