are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
