Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
