I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
