spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
