it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
