I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Randomize
