tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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