Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
