I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
