he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
