I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
