Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
