so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
