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• (440): View more from Ohio

  Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.

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• (906): View more from Michigan

  cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go

  (319): View more from Iowa

  IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab

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• (914): View more from New York

  Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.

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• (276): View more from Virginia

  You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.

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• (941): View more from Florida

  I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  its my penis

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.

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