Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
