Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
