She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
