you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
