He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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