I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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