I'm so fucking centered right now
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The air was thick with penises
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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