i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
