WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
