I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
