Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize