apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
