Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
