Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
These tits shall not be calmed
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
