Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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