I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
