Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
