apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
