I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize