I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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