Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he fucked my hip out of place.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
