am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
