Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The struggles of a small town man whore
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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