We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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