Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
