I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
