Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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