You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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