A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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