Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
