I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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