Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
it's like iHOP with fire
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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