Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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