I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
