margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
