Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
