You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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