M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
