I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
