Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
