So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
