I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
