i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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