your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
