my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
