Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
