I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
