I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
