If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
