my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
