I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
