she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You pole danced in your parka.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
