I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
barbara walters just said penis...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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