That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
