Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
you made out with another girl for some wings
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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