Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
