is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
