the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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