Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize