Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I had to cum in my sink.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
