I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
