Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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