i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
