Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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