I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
