we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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