Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
