you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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