I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
