I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
