If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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