Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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