It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
