I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
