Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
