i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
