Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize