This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
