Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
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