sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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