Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
