so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
