so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
please come you make the beer taste better
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
