ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
