My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I deserve this hangover.
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